Night Ride
by Makolin808
Summary: When Kick-Ass and Red Mist go for a night ride in the Mist Mobile, Red Mist reveals some rather... intimate things about himself.


"Hey man, you ever been with a girl before?" Red Mist asked Kick Ass as they sat in The Mist Mobile, barreling down the empty streets of New York at two in the morning.

"O-of course I have, what are you even talking about? I'm a superhero, the ladies just can't get enough of me." Kick Ass responded.

Red Mist looked out the window. "Oh, okay. J-just wondering is all."

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Red Mist took a long drag on his joint and kept driving.

"Mist, um, that was a lie," Kick Ass said, looking out the window so Red Mist wouldn't see him blush. "I've never been with anyone before… anyone but myself! Haha!" Kick Ass slapped his knee.

"Why are you telling me about how you masturbate?" Red Mist asked, his eyes still on the road.

"Um… cuz, uh-yeah well, um, I-I bet you've been with tons of girls in the backseat of this baby!" Kick Ass responded flustered and embarrassed about making such a stupid comment.

Red Mist took another drag on his joint and sped through a red light. It suddenly hit Kick Ass that it probably wasn't the best idea to drive around with a high dude in spandex at two in the morning.

"Nope." Red Mist said, "I'm a total virgin, too."

Kick Ass looked out the window and smiled. He felt slightly less embarrassed at what he had said earlier because he knew it applied to Red Mist too. Normally, the comment would have made Red Mist giggle, but tonight, something was different. He seemed serious and distant. Kick Ass could tell he had something on his mind.

Trying to cheer him up a bit, Kick Ass jokingly remarked, "Hey man, you know how we could fix that, right?"

Red Mist wouldn't even look at Kick Ass, which was probably for the better, Kick Ass realized, because he was driving.

"We could totally fuck!"

Red Mist pulled the car into a parking place next to an old hobo inhabited playground.

"Yeah," Red Mist responded, "We should."

"Whoa. What? I was just kidding, man," Kick Ass said to Red Mist, who now, for the first time all night, was staring straight at him.

"I'm not," Red Mist responded, eyes locked on Kick Ass. "I want you, Kick Ass. I want you so fucking bad," he whispered, grabbing Kick Ass' hand.

"Dude, no! You're fucking high, man. That's all this is; you're just super fucking high!" Kick Ass yelled, pushing Red Mist off of him.

"So what if I am? That doesn't change how I feel!" Red Mist yelled back. He slumped back into his seat. "Without this costume, I'm just a lame little comic book nerd with no life and no friends. But when I'm with you, I just—Christ, I dunno—I just feel, like—like—God, why is this so hard to explain!"

As Red Mist fumbled with his words to describe his feelings, Kick Ass fumbled with the door.

"I-I-! Fuck! Why can't I just say this!" Red Mist pounded his fists down and accidently hit the button that controlled the locks on the doors. There went Kick Ass' hopes to escape.

"You just get me, y'know! I feel like you get me. We're both just crazy shits in masks and spandex, running around helping people and crap."

Kick Ass stopped panicking and simply sat and listened to Red Mist's rant. He thought that maybe he could escape if he just waited for Red Mist to calm down or pass out or something along those lines.

"I… I can't really be myself around anyone else but you, man. My parents—My DAD… He- they just don't get it… All the kids at school are just a bunch of fucking retards, and the girls are all just nasty sluts that look down on me for being such a looser!"

As Red mist continued to pour his heart out to Kick Ass, he forgot about wanting to escape. He just wanted to be there for the poor guy.

"But… when I'm with you…" He looked up at Kick Ass and then out the window. "I can just be me, y'know? I don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed or anything. I guess what I've been trying to say is that I can just be myself around you and… I really like it… I really like you."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Kick Ass was staring intently at Red Mist, who was staring out the window.

"… Red Mist… I—"

"You think I'm fucking retarded, don't you?"

"No, that's not—"

"You think I'm a motherfucking retarded homo."

"Hey, stop that!"

Red Mist flipped back around to Kick Ass, "It's fucking true and—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Kick Ass grabbed Red Mist by the arms and locked lips with him. After he felt Red Mist become less tense, he pulled back and whispered, "I feel exactly the same."

"Kick Ass… I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything."

Kick Ass kissed Red Mist again, only this time with his tongue. He couldn't believe what he was doing, making out with another boy clothed in spandex, in a crazy custom car. But he let the fear escape him, and all he wanted to do was be with Red Mist. He began to run his hand up Red Mist's thigh and onto his crotch. He felt up his harder than diamond boner.

Red Mist smiled and said, "I've wanted to do this since the night I first met you. I've even jerked off to it. Is that—"

SUDDENLY THERE WAS AN MASSIVE ESPLOSION BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM! DEY LUKD INTO DA LIGHTS AND DERE WAS… EDWARD CULLEMZ! FRUM MI FAVROTITS BUK EVR TWYLYT! HE WAS ALL SEZY AND NEEKID AND LUKING VERY GOOD DEY WAS ALL OH BB U SO FINE WE SHUD HAS AN ORGY BUT HE WAS ALL I GOT 3 SAVE 4 EARTH 1 AND DEY ALL KK LOL I WYT 4 U BB SO DEM EDWARD SAVD DA ERTHS FRUM TRYANTY AND BADNESS AND EVERY1 WAS VRY HAPPI DEN DEY HAD AN ORGY N BA MOISTMOBILE AND EDARD CAMD SO MUCH DAT IT FLUD DA CAR! ON NO RED MIST SAYD I CANNOT SWIM! SO HE DROWND AND KICK ASS WAS SAD BUT NOT 2 SAD ACUZ HE HAD EDWART CULLEMZ FRUM ME FACORTIST BUKL EVERY TWYLIGHT! OH BB I WANTZ 2 EET U POOPOOS ACUZ DAT IS HOW I ROLL! EDWAQRD WAS ALL KK BRAH DAS HAWT SO HE SHITTD ALL OVR KICK ASS' FASE AND HE WAS ALL NUM NUM IT TASTZ SO GUD I WUD LYK MORE SO EDWARD POOED EVEN MORE ON HIS FASE AND HE ET IT ALL AND DEM HE GOT RLY DFAT SO FAT HE ESPLOD! IT MADE EDWARD SO SAD THAT HE KILT HISLF BUT ISD KK CUZ THEY ALL HAD SXY ORGIES W/ HITALAR IN HEVENS! EVEN JEBUS GITTED IN ON DA AKSHUN!

DA END! NO FLAMEZ!


End file.
